Does your computer smell?

Have you ever actually checked to see if your laptop smells? Asus have now got a few that might tickle your nose intentionally…

It’s probably safe to say that computers are an integral part of our lives. We eat by computers and many of us sleep by computers. We head to them every day and use them for many of the functions that are vital to our lives, whether it be communicating with someone or getting some work done.

But with all that work done around them, have you ever noticed if your computer smelled? And if you did, was the smell bad?

Asus seem to be preempting a market here with the arrival of a new line of laptops that are fragranced.

Yes, you heard right: laptop computers that smell.

Asus have today announced that they will be releasing four F6 notebook computers that have “infused scents” on top of what looks like will be fairly attractive designs.

Included in the range is your guaranteed obvious pink laptop featuring Floral Blossom, a green covered morning with circles and plant stems for the whole Morning Dew experience, the black laptop with the funky design in Musky Black, and some blue circles bring the feeling of an Aqua Ocean.

Never mind the whole issue that “Aqua” and “Ocean” are technically the same thing – like saying “water large-body-of-water,” I’m curious how black is musky. Maybe I’ve got too much of a Musk Lifesaver background but I’d have thought musk was pinkish. Maybe that’s just me, though.

Spec-wise, these laptops look like they’ll actually be quite decent to use sporting Centrino 2’s, an ATI Radeon 3470, up to 4GB of memory, and a 13.3″ LCD.

However, I’ve prepared a few ideas for fragranced laptops that probably don’t need Asus to spend hundreds of thousands on R&D and could easily be found in many a tech lab. Tell me what you think…

Sweaty Geek
Ah yes, who can forget the sweaty geek. The sour stench with flowery putrid tinges that just bounce off of the tongue and sort of make that gag reflex wince in terror.

While “sweat” is the main scent found here, there are overtones day-old cold pizza reheated in the microwave, a touch of the new video card boxes, and who can forget that must-have ingredient “untouched box of prophylactics”.

Yes, the Sweaty Geek. You’ve seen him before at LAN games, in your administration department. You’ve even told him to go to the gym and lose a bit of weight so he becomes thinner and hopefully sweats less.

And if he did, then you’d lose that terror that resides in your nasal cavity… but then what would you have to complain about?

Bullish Businessman
It’s the smell that sets a generation apart: the businessman who is charming, cavalier, and confident… in how much cologne he feels the need to spray himself with.

Our Bullish Businessman is hopeful that someone will take him on as an associate or an executive and so in order to get that point across, he carries his laptop loaded with all the latest in Solitaire and Minesweeper games so that people know he’s into that whole “IT” thing, and when people turn their heads to look at him, they’re not looking at him but rather wondering where in the hell that smell comes from.

For our Bullish Businessman has practically emptied an entire bottle of Calvin Klein over his whole body and now reeks of a man desperate for the handshake of someone important.

By far the most popular perfumed laptop in the entire line-up, Middle-Earth smells like the dirt, air, grass and water found in the regions of Middle-Earth, Azeroth, and the dark plains of some world found only in the minds of geeks obsessed with Orcs and Tolkien.

Made from a combination of smells that make up the world of World of Warcraft, researchers worked tirelessly with developers at Blizzard to create a laptop that smells like where you live… or practically live if you account for spending 12 hours a day in World of Warcraft, 3 hours a day reading a Tolkien book you’ve read ten times before, 6 hours a day for TV, and the rest for sleeping, eating, and pretending you have a life.

From the delicate sweet tips of the grass in Mordor to the dark earth-tones found in the rocky crags decorating Felwood, this fragrance will let anyone else in the area know that you are the most powerful Dwarf at least until someone else wearing your armour comes along and says the same thing.

Wet Dog
I used to have a dog when I was growing up but now I have cats and cats tend to only smell like their own saliva. But Wet Dog, now there’s a fragrance all in itself.

Dog owners will know the smell well: it’s like a dog that’s somehow drowned itself in order to get you to laugh at it — which worked back then — but now there’s a tainted water smell.

Water doesn’t really have a smell until you mix it with something.

Dogs have smell even when they’re not mixed with something.

Wet Dog tends to have a smell you don’t actually want, but if you miss having a dog then having the smell of a “wet dog” on your computer following you around where ever you go is surely a reasonable answer.

Written by Leigh D. Stark